i do remember, u said

i hope u read this in the morning after u wake up from ur much needed sleep. i hope u read this in the comfort of home and familiar things and people. i am in a dreamy state, i write these down as i am missing u with my mind, my heart and my body. i am not sad. u can even call me contented, at this moment. between those time kyoto-okinawa-ur letter-bangkok, i learnt a few important things. realize this, at this moment, i am happy tht we met and tht i love u. whatever happens in the future, remember this moment.

accidental babies

well i held you like a lover. happy hands and your elbow in the appropriate place. and we ignored our others happy plans for that delicate look upon your face. our bodies moved and hardened. hurting parts of your garden. with no room for a pardon in a place where no one knows what we have done. do you come together ever with him. and is it dark enough enough to see your light. and do you brush your teeth before you kiss. do you miss my smell. and is he bold enough to take you on. do you feel like you belong and does he drive you wild or just mildly free. well you held me like a lover. sweaty hands and my foot in the appropriate place. and we use cushions to cover happy glands in the mild issue of our disgrace. our minds pressed and guarded. while our flesh disregarded the lack of space for the light-hearted in the boom that beats our drum. well i know i make you cry. and i know sometimes you wanna die. but do you really feel alive without me. if so, be free. if not, leave him for me before one of us has accidental babies. for we are in love. do you come together ever with him.is it dark enough enough to see your light. do you brush your teeth before you kiss. do you miss my smell. and is he bold enough to take you on. do you feel like you belong. and does he drive you wild or just mildly free. what about me. what about me.

i live my life in songs these days.

a case of you

how do people write like this??
i can drink a case of you and still be on my feet...

anyway, here's the great joni mitchell -

just before our love got lost you said
i am as constant as a northern star
and i said, constant in the darkness
where's that at?
if you want me i'll be in the bar

on the back of a cartoon coaster
in the blue tv screen light
i drew a map of canada
oh canada
and your face sketched on it twice

oh you are in my blood like holy wine
oh and you taste so bitter but you taste so sweet
oh i could drink a case of you
i could drink a case of you darling
and i would still be on my feet
oh i'd still be on my feet

oh i am a lonely painter
i live in a box of paints
i'm frightened by the devil
and i'm drawn to those ones that ain't afraid
i remember that time that you told me, you said
love is touching souls
surely you touched mine
cause part of you pours out of me
in these lines from time to time

oh you are in my blood like holy wine
and you taste so bitter but you taste so sweet
oh i could drink a case of you
i could drink a case of you darling
still i'd be on my feet
and still be on my feet

i met a woman
she had a mouth like yours
she knew your life
she knew your devils and your deeds
and she said
color go to him, stay with him if you can
oh but be prepared to bleed

oh but you are in my blood you're my holy wine
oh and you taste so bitter, bitter and so sweet
oh i could drink a case of you darling
still i'd be on my feet
i'd still be on my feet

the price of a heartache

a heartache or heartbreak is costly, especially to a woman. yesterday it caused me rm 79.90 - the price of a pair of sexy, blue denim high heels! not that i'm complaining much, coz it really is gorgeous and makes me feel ultra feminine. retail therapy - that's what they call it...haha! i do love it, but i doubt 10 more of the kind would get my heart any near fixed. but at least i'm doing something about it.

p.s: the pair doesnt look much here, but believe me, they feel really good to wear...blame it on the photographer!

fifteen days

15 glorious days in the sun, in the rain. 15 days of getting to know my country with you. odd pair, fair and dark, asian and caucasian, your t-shirts of many colors and my brown khaki ones. just us and the country. traversing busy cities, calm villages and the countryside, beautiful beaches and waterfalls, weeping rain forests, sleepy old towns with histories older than both our ages combined. good rides, bad rides, cold and cheap domestic plane rides, a river cruise over polluted waters. driving in circles and losing our way through small one way streets. hotels, old ones, cheap ones, clean ones, surprising ones, colorful ones, dirty dusty ones, rundown ones. showers of hot water, cold water and not so cold water. quarrels, raised voices, tender words, making up. the next time we meet, would we still be the same two?

black and white dream

in my black and white dream a friendly, naughty grin and hair that badly needs trimming bent down over my pillow dented from the weight of you.

102, highmill house, saginuma

it was home. last 25th march 2007 i left it, i guess never to go back there again. i lived there for two years. it was a small house with ample spaces for 2. 2LDK they called it - 2 rooms, living room, dining room and kitchen. the most serious crisis was when the pigeon made a nest in our smoke shaft and god, it stank! my room overlooked the smallest garden ever and in spring, roses bloomed. the kitchen housed more spices than we could ever cooked.

the rezoko/refrigerator at most times held more food than could be consumed by two people. 2 girls who had never cooked triumphed there - chinese chicken soup, kurma, beriyani, soto, curry noodles, etc. in summer, locusts sang and there would be occasional visits from roaches (maybe from house 203!).

that was the place where love blossomed and was nurtured, hearts got broken and nursed. that was where i last saw you.